Woman ghosts boyfriend after an argument days before his 36th birthday, then lashes out when he makes other plans with a friend, claiming she had something special planned: ‘She feels I should automatically prioritize her’

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 16, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

This woman's middle name should be spelled C-O-N-F-U-S-E-D. Because it's clear she has no idea what she wants or how to deal with it. She ghosts her boyfriend after an argument (Classic, often necessary), but goes on to take it a bit too far by ignoring him for days on end. Then, during a therapy session, he expresses his new birthday plans with a friend, after assuming he wouldn't be spending the day in an utter utopia with the girl who's blocked his number. But when she discovers that he's committed to mountain biking and dinner with a friend, she completely loses it. She claims he should've 'just known' she had planned something special for the two of them, but now sees clearly where his priorities lie. 

Listen, I'm a girl's girl, and I'll defend my ladies until the end of time, but unless I'm missing a huge chunk of the story that shows his true character, there isn't much room to steer away from the direction she's headed in: slightly cray-cray…No judgment, babe. It happens. But something clearly isn't working between the two of them, and I have a sharp inkling that it could be this little thing called communication. I've heard it's pretty important in relationships. You two might want to try it out, and soon. If not, it's time to write your goodbyes and seal it with a few kisses to the cheek, while you're both still bordering on civil. 

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  • It sure can be difficult, feeling like communicating with a partner can be compared to screaming through the phone, only to realize you’ve been on mute the whole time. It happens to the best of us. But unless you put in the effort to unmute the button and re-explain yourself, your message is never going to go through. Talking to ourselves is great, but sometimes a relationship requires more than one person. 

  • 01
    "I shouldn't have to beg to spend your birthday with you"
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for not canceling on my friend to go out with my girlfriend for my birthday?

    My 36th birthday is this Sunday. A few weeks ago my girlfriend asked me what I wanted to do, and I said "I don't know."
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 03
    I thought maybe she'd plan something, but she never mentioned anything specific. We've been arguing lately, and on Tuesday we had an argument that ended with her hanging up on me.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 04
    The next day I texted and apologized for my part. She said "thanks for apologizing," but didn't apologize herself or say anything else.
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  • 05
    We didn't talk for two more days. Meanwhile, my friend kept following up about my birthday and suggested mountain biking and dinner on Saturday.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 06
    Mountain biking
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    Since I hadn't heard from my girlfriend in days and it was now Friday, I agreed. Later that day, during a virtual therapy visit with my girlfriend, the therapist asked what our weekend plans were.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 08
    I said I was going to dinner with my friend Saturday. That's when my girlfriend said she had been planning to take me to dinner Saturday, but she never told me that before.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 09
    I offered to celebrate on Sunday (my actual birthday), but she said no because she has to pick up her daughter at 6pm.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 10
    I suggested we could all go together, but she said she just wanted it to be the two of us. She also said things like, "I shouldn't have to beg to spend your birthday with you" and
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 11
    "I'll let you enjoy it with whoever you truly want to be with." From my perspective, I didn't know she was holding Saturday for me.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 12
    I already told my friend yes, and I don't want to cancel on him last-minute. But she feels I should automatically prioritize her over friends on my birthday.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 13
    She said I should have checked with her before agreeing to the plans my friend suggested, even though we weren't talking. I do care about her, and honestly I would like to spend Saturday with her.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 14
    I'm not someone who asks for a lot in relationships or in life - I try to be pretty laid-back and easygoing.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 15
    What stings is that instead of just saying, "Hey, I get that we weren't talking, but I'd love to celebrate with you when you're free," it feels more like she's making it about not getting her way.
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 16
    AITA for sticking with my friend's plan instead of canceling for my girlfriend? Edit: she did suggest I go mountain biking with my friend and then go to dinner with her (as someone in the comments mentioned)
    via Crazy-Bar7196
  • 17
    which I'm open to, but again I don't want to bail on the plans my friend made for us.
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  • 18
    Two men having dinner
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    FormSuccessful1122 Not to be harsh, but this relationship is over. You didn't speak for days. You're in relationship therapy and you're not even married and don't seem to live together. (If you do the not talking thing is sooooo much worse.) And she's playing games with your birthday. Just end this and give yourself some peace. Oh, and NTA
    via FormSuccessful1122
  • 20
    pinkydelicious NTA. I wouldn't cancel on my friend either. Your girlfriend can't expect you to read her mind especially when she literally didn't tell you she had plans in mind. You even offered Sunday, your actual birthday, and she sht that down. That's not you being inconsiderate, that's her being inflexible.
    via pinkydelicious
  • 21
    Honestly, it sounds less about wanting to celebrate you and more about her wanting control of how it happens. You already gave a fair compromise so sticking to your friend's plan is totally reasonable.
    via pinkydelicious
  • 22
    turbomandy Nta from this information. She's manipulative. You deserve someone to be straight forward not someone that makes you guess if they are doing anything for your birthday.
    via turbomandy
  • 23
    Graceerainee If she wanted to do something special, she should've just told you instead of assuming you'd block off the day for her. You even tried to compromise by offering Sunday or including her daughter, but she shut it down. That's on her.
    via Graceerainee
  • 24
    adult child86 You need to raise your standards. Dramatically. How do you stand for being ghosted for days by your partner? I've been super angry at previous partners, but I never ignored them. Demand better for yourself!
    via adult_child86
  • 25
    Emergency-Paint-6457 She had nothing planned and scrambled when you told the therapist your plans.
    via Emergency-Paint-6457
  • 26
    Feeling Narwhal9161 Okay. Seriously. Why are you in a relationship with someone when you go days without speaking after an argument and you're in therapy together and you're not even engaged or married?! That's just too much. work.
    via FeelingNarwhal9161

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Tags

boyfriend friendship on the rocks commitment miscommunication birthday no-communication relationship-drama birthday-plans relationships couple-therapy girlfriend couples 36-today
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